Gregory Alan Wallace, Me


Rablings of a Reprobate Radical

A Blog By Gregory Wallace

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10 Simple Rules To Keep From Looking Like An Idiot Tourist When Visiting New York City
NYC, City, Travel
Hello, followers. Long time no see, right? Sorry about that. But, let's get right down to business, shall we? I now offer you a 10 part survival guide to a visit to New York City.  Off we go!


1. Please, for all that is holy, do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk in Times Square. The urge to hit people who do this is very strong. The flow of people there is already awful and the last thing you want to do when fighting your way through the crowds of people is to be walking and slam in to some idiot who just HAS to stop in the middle of the sidewalk with no notice to take a picture. If you are going to take pictures of Times Square, do it later at night when there are less crowds and less chance of you being a nuisance.

2. Don't ever take a "free" CD somebody is giving out and keep walking. They say free... but they expect you to give them some money for it.  If you don't they'll start yelling how you stole from them and cause a huge scene. It's rather stupid. As a rule, don't take anything that anybody is trying to shove in your hands when you are walking in this city. Odds are, you don't want it.

3. Don't ever pay full price for a Broadway show. If you are looking to get discount theatre tickets, go to the TKTS booth. You can get discounts on quite a few shows. If you can't, sometime, just going to the box office and asking if they have any promotions going on can be helpful, too.


4. I know this goes against what you think that you should do, but if you aren't sure what you are doing... ask. I know New Yorkers get a bad rap when it comes to friendliness. But, I assure you that it won't be a problem. New Yorkers are really, really nice... They just have places to be and things to do, so don't waste their time. Just ask what you need to ask, and be concise and polite and the world will be great. Thank them, too, they'll appreciate it.

5. Under no circumstances get a subway map from one of the ticket booths. New Yorkers will look at you like you are the most fucking retarded person who ever lived. Like I said before, just ask. New Yorkers are nice people. If you are trying to draw attention to yourself, that's the way to do it. It's like pasting "I am a dumb tourist" to your forehead. Just avoid it.

6. Don't be afraid to ride the subway late at night. There are some nasty rumors going about that say that it isn't safe and that you shouldn't do it. This is completely untrue. And, if you are feeling nervous about it, ride in the middle of the train with the conductor just one door away from you. You'll know where he is because when the trains come into the stations, the conductor sticks his head out of the window.


7. Go with the flow of pedestrian traffic. You don't have to wait for the crosswalk light to change to cross the street if you can. As a matter of fact, you'll look like an idiot if you do. Keep an eye on the traffic lights and when you see that the light is turning yellow, go ahead and start walking out if you can.

8. Cab drivers WILL kill you. Do not get in their way. So, avoid them at all costs. Take the subway where you can and if you insist upon taking a cab, be sure not to tell them where you are going before you get into the cab. They cannot legally ask you beforehand. A lot of cab drivers hate going to the outer boroughs. So, don't let them know you are going out that way or they may just pull away before you can get in.

9. If you see a celebrity there is a unwritten New York rule that you completely ignore them. It is decidedly uncool to even acknowledge they are anything other than a human shaped topiary. Once you get back to your hotel room, let out a girlish squeal of delight, but not before, okay?

10. The best plan when visiting NYC is just to try to blend in as much as possible. Which really, shouldn't be that hard. Every type of person lives in New York


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